Saturday, March 03, 2007

Are you still in love with your husband?

I was asked on a forum I frequent if I love my husband. I was asked to select an answer from several that ran the gamut from obsessively to hate him.

Here was my reply that I decided I wanted to keep so I am posting it here!

I selected "if I work at it".

I love him and am in love with him, and I think he would say the same thing, but it takes work and effort to stay connected to the level we want.

The best advice I ever got about a committed relationship is that someone told me that "Marriage is a verb, not a noun". That meant to me that you don't stop the courtship once the ring is on your finger. Marriage is WORK and if you take it for granted it could slip between your fingers before you even realize the relationship is gone.

There are days I want to wring my husband's neck, days I love him to the point of obsession, days I wish he would just give me some space, days I can't stop touching him, days where just a look makes me feel 16 again, days I love him more, days he loves me more than I love him. There are days when we are like horny teenagers and days when we are best friends and not much of a sexual spark (remember we have five kids and have been together 20 years.) There are days I need to lean on him and days I feel like a fierce momma lion protecting her cub.

At first it was a bit disconcerting to me because I thought that my feelings for him would be constant and grow in only one direction, but it has been more like a day at an amusement park. Some thrilling highs and some gut wrenching lows, lots of excitement, but also periods when I just want a nap.



Pelagian Poet said...

What a great description of a marriage. Wow. Even with 17 years experieince, I don't know how those things are supposed to be. How they are supposed to work.

Verbing the noun seems like a good strategy!

Anonymous said...

Thank you. I've only been married for a 1 1/2 years (but we've been together for 7)and you're blurb makes me feel so much better because I feel the exact same way.
We had a baby 8 months ago and I knew things would change, but unfortunately, the change has not been that good for our relationship. Definitely tolerable, but not great. I know that the up will come always does:)

Anonymous said...

What a mature way to look @ marriage. We have been married 32 yrs.I view my marriage more as an agreement.Do you ever really get over his affair, even though "nothing happened","I was just going through a bad time in my life","I never said that","I've pushed it all away","I'm sorry"? I do believe nothing "happened" because he was too afraid of the consequences,like I met someone else,I was not going to lay down and die because of his beloved Lorraine,my son would have been a tough force to reckon with,he might have been viewed as a "bad boy" by his family members. Is "she" out of his life (after 30yrs.,yeah 30 yrs.!)yes, I believe so,she probably moved onto another sucker. Can I move on? At times I believe I have,can't live without him etc.(the physical attraction has never returned on my part)and @ other times I question myself and become mad @ myself for just not getting over it.What's a woman to do?Smile?Be good?Obey?Not question?Be thankful?Stop being negative?Be thankful that someone still loves my fat ass,wrinkles and crazy self?